Mom Anxiety: How to Avoid Burnout

Disclaimer: This article is not meant to replace professional medical advice. If you are experiencing anxiety / depression and searching for help, please consult with your doctor.

Read on to learn more about Mom Anxiety: How to Avoid Burnout. Before becoming a mom and deciding to stay home with my new baby, I had my fair share of burnout working outside the home. It seemed like every time work was especially crazy, so was my personal life. And all of a sudden, I’d feel like I just couldn’t do it anymore. “It” being, anything. Everything. I’d wake up on a weekday morning and press snooze a few extra times. I’d tell myself I had to go to work, because “they” needed me and I had so many important things to do that day. And then I’d remember that I’m far less productive and value-adding when I’m burnt out, so I’d call in sick since asking for a “personal day” felt weird. And the world would continue on without me.

I’d live it up doing whatever I pleased on those days. Sometimes it was productive things, catching up on life. Other times I did nothing. I remember playing hooky 2 days in a row once. It felt so taboo, but I needed it (I actually think I was pregnant at the time, ha!). I’d return to work and resume my personal life feeling refreshed. That one free day seemed to solve it all.  Life has been very different as a new mom staying at home. There’s no “off” time. No boss helping me along the way with my new tasks. No separation of work and personal life.

It took me 10 years of working full time, Monday- Friday to learn what kind of work/ life balance I needed and what it would take to achieve it. Having a flexible employer who valued work/ life balance was important, and I had that. Learning how to organize and prioritize my life tasks left optimal room for true relaxation. I found that I enjoy relaxing most when everything on my to-do lists were complete, which, in hindsight, was very easy to accomplish before kids!

Switching into the motherhood role and staying at home provides seemingly endless to-do’s with no triggers that signal its time to be “off duty”. Which makes sense, because I can’t and shouldn’t be “off duty” while my infant daughter is around. My husband is great, but staying home with your kids is like going to work and the work following you around after hours. Even if you have a fellow employee who comes in to take on the next shift, you’re still at work. Even if you’re now just sitting at the front desk answering phones, you’re there. Always on the clock. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the past 6 months since baby had taken, until I got away. It wasn’t until I was completely separated from my daily life that I realized how much new-mom anxiety I was feeling. I was burnt out.

Andrew had to go to Wisconsin for a work training so he asked if I wanted to tag along. How exciting! I’ve always wondered who these people are who travel for work and bring their wives with them. It worked out perfectly, because his parents live several hours away and we had a feeling they’d be happy to come stay with our kids during our trip. It was stressful making sure everything was in order before leaving, but I’m a pro at running myself ragged while preparing in order to not worry later and be able to unwind.

We left on a Tuesday morning and my nerves began to calm down slowly but surely. Not nervous about us being away. Anxious nerves that had been building for 6 or 8 or 10 months. Tuesday was a travel day so I was still pretty wound up (unbeknownst to me). Wednesday I had big plans. Boy oh boy. I was going to work so hard on this blog. Finally catch up on all the things I’ve been falling behind on as we house hunt nearly 2 hours away and continuously prepare our current home for showings and open houses. 

Wednesday came and went. We were both up early for the complimentary breakfast, but once Andrew left for his conference, I pretty much just laid there on the hotel bed. I stared at my phone. I decided it was really nice not having to do anything. Anything at all. So I allowed myself the day off and vowed to accomplish more the next day.

Thursday, my wifi wouldn’t connect at the hotel. And I had to work on getting some things to our mortgage lender which is nearly a part time job. Making my way to a nearby restaurant with wifi, I did some fun work. Not the work I vowed to do because it needed to get done, but the work that doesn’t feel like work because I wanted to do it. I drank a couple beers and stopped for ice cream on my walk back to the hotel.

I remembered what it felt like to be me.

Remembering what it felt like to relax, I decided to not make myself do anything I didn’t want to on Friday, including work. I napped. A long nap. And I realized how hard it’s been for me to sleep for the last 8ish months. First because of being pregnant, and then from anxiety. I didn’t even realize the anxiety was there because it creeped up on me during the craziness of having my first baby. It showed up in the midst of learning how to be in my new role of mom and stay at home person, while having personal and business goals, and high standards for myself. Anxiety showed up while learning a new way of living and working and being for the first time in 10 years.

While you’re here, make sure you check out How to Be Happier Everyday

This anxiety looked different from the anxiety I was clearly able to label in my late teens and early twenties. The worrying, and being so anxious I almost wouldn’t leave my car, and the panic attack about where my life was going all screamed anxiety. This time, anxiety creeped in. I didn’t notice how poorly I was sleeping (even when the baby slept). I overlooked the daily worries about everything baby and business goals and housework and this and that. Anxiety never came to mind. Fatigue had started to rule my days.

My brain was always on and I forgot how to turn it off. 

We had been away from Evan for 2 separate nights prior to this trip. Those were nice breaks, but didn’t allow me to fully shut off like this time. This trip gave me perspective. My life has drastically changed and I haven’t given myself the grace I should have. 

As someone who loves routine and was trying to make my new life fit into my old box, I was driving myself crazy. After I decided to stay home with Evan almost 3 months after she was born, I started this blog. Initially, it took a lot of work to get up and running. I treated it like I was going to work.

Every morning, I’d be up between 5-7am and workout and tidy everything, wash bottles, etc. I’d get myself ready and start working until Evan woke up. We’d play when she was awake, but during nap times I would go back to work. I’d take a break to make dinner and would be running around doing other things in the evening, usually not stopping until 9pm. I accomplished the most during this phase, so I’ve been trying to get back into that routine, unsuccessfully. That is not a feasible routine.  My irritability was at an all time high at that point. That wasn’t living. This break allowed me to see how much I’ve been missing out on living. The stress and anxiety of trying to learn how to do it all has run me dry. And I don’t really want to do it all, because I know that’s not even possible. 

Coming home, I had high hopes of feeling refreshed and getting back at it, and making up for lost time blog-wise. But I just couldn’t. Just like that time I played hooky 2 days in a row, I needed more time. And even though “they” needed me so badly, both “they” and I needed to recover from my burnout in order to be productive and to truly live again. So, I took it day by day. Not stressing about what needed to be done, I’d do what I wanted to do and decided to see where that would take me (obviously while taking care of my child as usual- lol).

If there’s one thing that I know for sure about me, it’s that I always get back to it. I grind, at everything possible. Pedal to the metal. So, even with a break, I knew I’d be back to grinding when the time was right. 

The next week (AKA last week) flew by with little accomplishments. It was bliss. Every day I’d wake up and decide what to do. No agenda or feeling guilty about all the things I wasn’t getting done. Messy house, eating out, surfing the web. “Tomorrow’s the day”, I’d think. Then I’d wake up and change my mind.

Here I am, exactly 2 weeks since we left for our trip, and I am just now starting to rebuild this “new” life with a lot of grace and lot less rigidity. Taking things slowly while acknowledging the learning curve. I’m being mindful about my anxiety and stress levels while enjoying the heck out of my little baby. 

If someone had told me I needed a 2 week break, I’d have thought it sounded excessive. My views have changed.  If you’re a new mom with anxiety, maybe you need a break away from your kids for a few or several days if it’s an option. And you should definitely give yourself some grace and acknowledge the learning curve. It’s a whole new world. With a little practice, we’ll be pros in no time.

XO,

Abby